Wednesday, August 6, 2008

McCain’s New Walker Red, White and Blue

Presidential hopeful John McCain appeared to be absolutely giddy as he pushed his new red, white and blue walker up the ramp to a dais festooned with paper dragons. It was morning in People's Square, Shanghai, and McCain seemed less aware of the 200,000 Chinese looking at him than he was of the walker that he'd received from a Chinese delegation during his recent visit to the world-renowned Shanghai Geriatric Acupuncture Retreat. With an aide supporting him by the elbow, McCain welcomed the crowd with a rambling 20-minute recitation of a shopping list that happened to be in his pocket.

Shortly after, President Hu Jintao took a position next to McCain, who stared at Jintao for a full minute before ordering Kung Pao Chicken and fried rice.

As the misery of a traumatic ninth birthday party flashed through McCain's long-term memory, he said in a petulant voice, “Where is my rabbit? Why didn’t I get a bicycle?” Unfamiliar with English, the crowd applauded enthusiastically, stunning America’s potential commander-in-chief, who mumbled, “Push the button… the red one,” before maneuvering his walker down the ramp and into a waiting limousine where EMTs strapped the candidate's oxygen mask in place.

McCain plans three days of rest and intravenous nourishment before continuing his much heralded 15-day “Dementia Whistle-stop Tour” through Asia and Europe.

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