Thursday, August 7, 2008

McCain Would Drill in Old North Church

Senator John McCain, in a desperate move to find an energy strategy that would overshadow the Obama plan, has promised the electorate that, if elected, he will abandon plans for offshore expoloration and drill on the site of the Old North Church, made famous by Paul Revere's April 18, 1775, ride to warn that the British were coming.

"It was part of a revolution that made history more than two hundred years ago," McCain said. "Now it'll stand at the center of an energy revolution and help write a new chapter in America's story."

Asked if he had evidence that oil existed beneath the Old North Church, McCain admitted that there was "no supporting scientific data. But, hell, you never know until you try."

He then asked the crowd standing on the front lawn of the church if they remembered the Gene Chandler song "Duke of Earl." Before the crowd could react, McCain snapped his fingers and launched into song: "Duke, Duke, Duke of Oil, Oil, Oil, Duke of Oil..."

The crowd groaned and began to disperse. McCain hobbled after them yelling, "Wait! Wait! You loved Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran! Come back! I've got a million of them!" Aides pursued him with a wheelchair.

On vacation in Hawaii, Barack Obama responded to the story by singing a few bars of Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy."

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