McCain Shocker: "I Was a Prisoner of War!"

A packed auditorium at a Philadephia high school sat quietly as Republican presidential candidate John McCain responded to a question from a student reporter. "What plans to you have to preserve Social Security?"

With a pained expression, McCain said, "I was shot down over North Vietnam and became a prisoner of war."

"Yes, sir," the boy reporter said, "but what are your plans for Social Security?"

"I was in that box from 1969 to 1973," McCain said, shaking his head at the memory. "They tortured me. I never cracked. Do you have any idea how difficult that war was?"

The reporter, somewhat confused but accustomed to addled adults, said, "Yes, sir. My great grandfather was there. He tells me the stories over and over. Maybe you can give me an insight into how you would respond to Russia if it continues its conflict with Georgia."

Lost in the memory of dim light, cockroaches and small angry men with slanted eyes, McCain stared at the microphone. The student reporter repeated the question. McCain, obviously startled, shook a fist. "I was a prisoner of war -- I didn't have a grilled cheese sandwich for more than four years."

A student in the audience popped one of the balloons decorating the auditorium. "Hit the deck!" McCain screamed, diving on the floor. His staff physicians, always close by with defibrillators, rushed to the candidate's side. As they strapped on his favorite oxygen mask, McCain yelled, "I was a ..."

"...prisoner of war. Yes, sir, we know," the EMT said quietly. "You were in that box a long time. A long, long time."

McCain staffers later released a report saying that the candidate "is an American hero and his time as a prisoner had taught him to lie in order to survive.

The release also mentioned that Sarah Palin would take responsibility for all Russian affairs because, as governor of Alaska, she could see Russia from her office window.