Tuesday, September 30, 2008

McCain Sex Change to Attract Women Voters?

In a desperate move to engage women voters, Republican presidential candidate John McCain checked into the Lopoff Gender Reassignment Clinic in Farewell, Arizona. McCain stopped at the door long enough to wave at reporters and issue a brief statement. “Women liked Sarah’s purse," he said, "but they had problems with her shoes. I vetted her wardrobe -- it got high marks. Who could've known anyone would ask her about issues, the Supreme Court and all that stuff?”

Asked if being clueless might have factored into Palin’s power dive following a meteoric rise, “McCain shook his head. “No way, no how. Look, I don’t know diddly, but in thirty days or so I might be the most powerful guy on the planet. You can know a lot of nothing and still be a heap of somebody. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a date with a scalpel.”

Somewhere in the next three hours John McCain became Jane McCain. That evening, surrounded by press, she lay in a private room gazing wistfully at a pickle jar. “That little dude gave his all to put me in the West Wing,” she said. “It's a sacrifice but I've always been willing to give a piece of myself for America... I just never thought it would be that particular piece. On the plus I have someplace convenient to put my iPod, and I won't have to think twice about dressing to the left or the right.”

By evening, demonstrators surrounded the clinic chanting “One less prick in Washington!” Republican campaign manager Rick Davis ignored the jeering crowd as he announced to reporters that “Jane and Sarah will be appearing at Victoria's Secret locations throughout the Midwest to model lingerie and explain why book-burning and overturning Roe v. Wade are vital to American values.” He added that the 72-year-old Jane McCain has "the get-up-and-go of a woman half her age." It remains to be seen if America's women voters see this as a political ploy or the move of a sincere individual in search of her identity.

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